Dear Mr. President,
Congratulations on your historic victory and presidency. We can say that before it even begins because everything you do will be historic. Expectations will be high, and you will undoubtedly be judged harshly by many, but don’t let that stop you from doing what needs to be done and making the tough choices.
Speaking of which, I have a few early decisions that I feel need to be highlighted. Consider them recommendations, if you prefer. I’m sure I’m not the only one making lists like this, but I’d just like to put in my two cents.
So, without further ado, here’s a short list of things I’d like to see you take care of in your first 100 days (some sooner than others):
- Open an investigation into the activities of the Bush administration. We have, for the past eight years, lived under the virtual tyranny of this corrupt, incompetent and degenerate crowd. They have lied to us, started two unnecessary wars, tortured under the guise of “protecting freedom”, violated the public trust, and generally wiped their ass with the Constitution while blowing their noses on the Flag. High crimes and misdemeanors doesn’t even begin to cover what they’ve done. It’s a miracle they weren’t impeached and removed from office before now, but Bush and Cheney must be held to account for their war crimes. For the sake of American credibility and honor abroad, this must be done. Because if we let them go, if we let them get away with it, all our talk of freedom and equality and upholding the rule of law is nothing more than empty rhetoric.
- Repeal the so-called “USA Patriot Act”. Desperate times often produce bad laws, and few are worse than this one. What possible justification could there have been to write a law allowing the nation’s intelligence services to snoop the library records of American citizens? What possible justification could there be to allow the FBI to conduct “roving wiretaps” on our nation’s telephone networks? What possible justification is there to allow such self-destructive, unconstitutional, paranoid, reactionary legislation to pass? This odious piece of legislative toxic waste should be removed as quickly as possible and consigned to the dustbin of history.
- Disband Blackwater and other Mercenary armies. A sure sign of an empire in decline is the use of mercenary armies to fight wars and perform other functions traditionally reserved for legitimate military forces. Blackwater is a national embarrassment. It has deliberately exploited our nation during a time of crisis, all for love of money. On Bush’s watch they have literally gotten away with murder. They should be held accountable for their crimes, the company dissolved, its assets siezed and sold, and the proceeds distributed among the families of the 4100+ victims of Bush’s Blunder.
- Close Guantanamo Bay. I see you’ve already begun. Good job, mate.
- Stop the Bailouts. We’ve already thrown billions of dollars of taxpayer money down the bailout toilet, with nothing to show for it. Worse, none of the companies that asked for and got bailout money seem to have shown any sign of changing their ways. You have a terrible choice to make, sir – keep throwing money at them, and watch them die out anyway, or let them die quickly and see what replaces them. Either way it will hurt, and it will hurt bad. But maybe if we stop mollycoddling these bloated dinosaurs, the ones that come after them will be stronger, smarter and better.
- Stop talking about “clean coal”. Everyone who isn’t an industry propagandist knows it’s bullshit. There’s no such thing as clean coal – never has been, never will be. The recent disasters in the Tennessee Valley proved that. Even if we can manage to clean it up at the power production stage, mining the stuff is still almost as destructive and polluting as uranium extraction, and that, sir, is saying something. So stop pushing the notion of so-called “clean coal” and use the bully pulpit to push truly green energy such as wind, solar and tides. If we’re going to fix the environment and develop green energy we’ve got to stop chasing the clean coal dragon.
Anyway, sir, as I’ve said, that’s just a short list. I’m sure you’re busy, and so far you’re getting a good start cleaning the mess left behind by your misbegotten predecessor. Good luck, and God bless.