It’s been a long time since my last post, and I haven’t commented on the election results. You may chastise me at will.
Basically, I’m pretty tired of politics. Watching and commenting on the quadrennial whack-a-mole game we call electoral politics has been exhausting, frustrating, and finally exhilarating. I’m tired and I’m taking a break from it. Gonna write a novel, which I’ve been trying to do for the past ten years.
But first, a few belated shout-outs:
Barack Obama: Congratulations, dude! You’ve won – now the hard part. Cleaning up the shit-storm the Bush crowd has created will be no easy task. But from watching your cabinet post selections over the past two weeks I think you’ll be up to the job. As of January 20th, you’ll be my president and everyone else’s president as well, and you’ll have my support. Of course, I reserve the right to unreservedly chastise you if I think you’re screwing up, so watch yourself. Fortunately, your predecessor set the bar so fucking low that you can’t help but succeed by comparison. You’d really have to work hard to fail that badly. Good luck.
John McCain: Congratulations, dude! You’ve lost – now the easy part. You don’t have to eat the shit sandwich served up by your buddy George W. Selecting Sarah Palin as your running mate was a feat of genius – it allowed you to throw the election without looking like you were throwing it. And your last-minute appearance on SNL was brilliant. Loved it – your wife never looked better. Too bad I cant afford any of the McCain Fine Gold, though. Would have made a nice gift. Now you’ve got a choice to make – which home to retire to? Eeenie, meenie, miney, moe… Good luck.
George Bush: Congratulations, dude! Your epic disaster of a Presidency is almost over. You managed to do more damage to the country and American presige, power and credibility in your eight too-long years than any previous leader in history. Despite your best efforts, you did it without completely dismantling the Constitution, the rule of law, civil rights, morality and common decency. Your incompetence, ineptitude, corruption and moral degeneracy will be remembered throughout history. You will be forever remembered as the worst President in American history. But take heart – you still have 60 days to really fuck things up royally. I’m sure you won’t waste them. After January 20th, the only decision you’ll have to make will be which books to include in your Presidential LIbrary. I’m sure you can finish coloring them before then. Good luck! Now go to hell.
Sarah Palin: Congratulations, babe! You managed to turn a sure Democratic victory into a Democratic landslide – thanks! All I have to say now is “Palin 2012!” Run, baby run! Every time you open your mouth you remind us why we voted for Obama in the first place. The thought of you in the White House sends cold chills down the spine of every thinking, intelligent person in the country. So keep up the good work – we could use another landslide in 4 years.
America: Congratulations, my country! We finally proved we’re ready to lead the world. Good luck.
Peace out. I don’t know when I’ll return again.