It’s been a busy time lately, but I still like to keep up with the news. So, in a nutshell, here’s my take on … fuck it. Here’s some shit to read:
Dick “Torquemada” Cheney: I used to wish he’d go away and die slowly, but I’ve changed my mind. Who needs waterboarding when you’ve got a paranoid motormouth for an ex-Veep? Every time he opens his fat yap he reveals more secrets he probably didn’t want anyone to know. Keep it up, Dick. The cameras are still rolling, and everything you say WILL be used against you. Traitor.
Miss California: Nice tits. You, however, may shut up already. We’re not interested in your mind, only your body.
Rush “Fat Bastard” Limbaugh: Just shut the fuck up. We’re not even interested in YOUR tits, even though they are bigger than Miss California’s.
The (non)release of Torture pictures: For God’s sake, Mr. President, grow some balls already. It’s not the fucking pictures that people are upset about, it’s the fact that we tortured people. The sooner we prosecute and the perpetrators, the sooner we can put this behind us. Throw Dick in the dock and Bush behind bars and move on. Or face this issue for the next four to eight years.
Sean “Waterboard Me” Hannity: It’s been three weeks, asshole. Even Keith Olberman called you a pussy. Or did you miss the “here, kitty” comment just before “Oddball” last night? Come on, are you a man or a mouse? Oh, wait. You’ve never served on active duty. I guess we know the answer to that.
Torture Defenders: You’re all going to hell, you know. Every last one of you, even the so-called “Christians” among you. Because torture is not just a crime, it’s a mortal sin. And defending it makes you guilty of it. You know what’s the best part about occupying the moral high ground? I’ll never have to change my mind about this. Torture is wrong. Waterboarding is wrong. And anyone who defends it is WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.
Sarah Palin’s Book Deal: Oh, please, don’t get me started. This is a comedian’s dream come true. The woman who can’t form complete sentences without a TeLePrompTer is going to write a BOOK? OMFG! YGBSM! LOL! Shit, I think I just wrote her first paragraph for her. Oh, wait – I’ve got the title, too! How’s “The Audacity of Hypocrisy”? Or maybe “Goin’ Rogue”? How about “Throw Alaska Under the Bus”? Or “How to Succeed in Politics Without Really Trying”?